


This Bitter Envy of Mine

by Montevideonights



Series: His Equivalent Exchange [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anger, Angst, Character Death, Daddy Issues, Depression, Family Fluff, Gen, Human!Envy, Knifeplay, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-27 16:41:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20410963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Montevideonights/pseuds/Montevideonights
Summary: In an AU around the modern date of the series where Von Hohenhiem is married to Dante, but leaves her and a teenage Envy to fend for themselves. Now alone Envy must take care of his pregnant mother, then his baby brother whatever it takes all while keeping the rage inside him under control whatever it takes.





	1. In a glass, darkly

Envy was about 16 years old when his father had left, it wasn't until later that he discovered the reason why his father had abandoned him and his mother. All he knew was his father had left for work one day and never came back, the only reason he knew that this father wasn't kidnapped is that he had the audacity to come back some time before he left for good and dropped his paycheck in the mailbox. After his father deserted them Envy's mother Dante soon fell ill, at which he first attributed to depression, but he learned very soon that his mother's symptoms was not because she was sick, she was pregnant. This, what was growing in his mother's womb was Hohenheim's present to the both of them, but Envy couldn't tell which he hated more Hohenheim or the seed he planted in his mother, or maybe he hated them both equally.

Envy had to get a job in order to replace the paycheck that they lost when Hohenheim fled, he took employment with a local craftsman who was responsible for making almost all of furniture and other wooden stuff for the surrounding area. The work there was hard but the hours were agreeable with his education, Envy would not let Hohenheim take this from him. Months had passed and eventually Envy's mom could no longer work, meaning Envy would need to put in more hours at work. As time passed Envy's anger towards Hohenheim only grew and got hotter in his gut, it became increasingly harder to cope with it was eating him alive. 

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Envy walked into the woods with a pocket knife at his side, at this moment he barely didn't know what he was doing much less what he has going to do with it. Once Envy was deep enough stopped and looked around, looked around for something he knew he would never find, a justification, someone to look at him wrong so he could finally let loose and just rage. He was starting to get and his vision was blurred, meteorically tinted red, so he charged towards the closest thing he could see and began to cut and slash at it. Slashing, cutting, and stabbing these were the only things that mattered to Envy right now, the only thing that made any sense, not even the flying shards of tree bark flying at Envy could stop him. Each mark he made into the tree let out the anger he felt inside, each nick let loose bile from the infection of shame knowing he shared blood with his bastard father Von Hohenheim.

After a while his anger began to subside and it was no longer enough to keep the now exhausted Envy from slipping down, scraping his head on the bark and getting his long, blond hair from getting into the nicks as he slumped into a resting position. Envy began to cry, he didn't know why but he just couldn't stop this unknown sorrow from overwhelming him just as his anger did. Envy couldn't hear it but somebody was nearby wondering who was that crying.

"Excuse me, is everything okay, sir?" asked a masculine voice nearby coming closer to Envy.

Suddenly Envy broke out into a maniacal laughter.

'He's asking me if I'm okay?! I'm out in the woods in night crying over a cut up tree, and he somehow thinks that in anyway that I'm okay?!?!?!?!' 

Then a horrible thought came into Envy's head, he still had some anger he needed to get out.

Confused about what was going on the stranger stopped and took a few steps back.

"Stop, don't go......" Envy pleaded in an unnatural tone as he started to stand up with the knife tightly in his hands, "You did come over here to see if I was okay, but to answer your question.... No, I am not okay.... but then again neither are you...."

Just as the man turned his back and started to run away, Envy ran towards him quickly tackling him to the ground and put the knife to the stranger's neck.

"Now, be very still even though I dulled this knife, it's still sharp enough to cut your neck." Envy stated with fake concern. "So, what's your name?"

"Just please let me go!!!" Begged the man trying to wiggle away with no avail.

"SHUT UP!!!!!" Envy shouted into the stranger's ear. "Now tell me your name."

"Amric, my name is Amric!"

"Amric? What a strange and cute name...." Envy said with a slight hesitation at the end, "....So where are you from Amric?"

"Please......"

Envy pushed the blade tighter against Amric's neck so this time he would answer Envy without fault.

"Tell me now."

"I'm from Yectoria, near the border of the north and west....."

"Interesting, now for what reason would you come all the way out here?"

"I'm heading to central to visit a relative, but I got kicked off the train someway from Zoyyuy...." 

"Poor boy, you've gotten awful lost....." Envy then put his lips up to up to Amric's ear. "And now your in a lot of trouble, so much trouble....."

"Don't hurt me," Amric began to tear up, never before had he been so scared.... "I won't tell anybody...."

"Now why shouldn't I hurt you, I could if I wanted to, I could even kill you if the mood strikes me up....."

"Please don't kill me.... "

"God, your pathetic be a man, show come courage when your so close to the end....."

"Please! Don't!!!"

"Shhhhhhhhhh......." Envy took his knife and use them to cut the sleeves of his shirt off, he then used one of them as a blindfold for Amric. "To cover your shame you pitiful worm....."

All Amric could do now was whimper and cry into his blindfold, he dare not say a word or face the wrath of this stranger he tried to help. Taking a new found pleasure in his submissive victim Envy used his other sleeve to bind Amric's wrists together and tied the sleeve to the stranger's pants so he wouldn't be tempted to take his blind fold off. Envy got up and helped Amric up from the ground, he then pointed the knife at this back and ordered him to move forward. After walking several paces Envy stopped the two of them at the foot of a ditch, a ditch he proceeded to kick Amric into.

"Now, since I'm feeling particularly nice, I've put you in the right way..." Envy said this while chuckling a little. "Just go north-west and you should hit Zoyyoy sooner or later try not to lose your direction too much or I can't promise you'll ever find your way home...." 

Envy proceeded to walk home leaving the stranger to wonder aimlessly hoping he was going the right way. As much as attacking that tree helped release that rage, holding that dominance over a complete stranger, making him weep and beg well it made his anger shrivel up like a dying plant. But yet Envy couldn't lie to himself that his hate was dead and he knew it would come back, but for now he felt content. Envy couldn't help but note what a shame it was that his shirt had to be ruined in order to reach his contentment, but he could always replace it and throw away this old one. After a while Envy got back home and came in through his bedroom window he wouldn't dare use the front door at this time of night.

Envy stripped out of his clothes, and threw his shirt deep into his drawers he would get rid of it later but right now he needed sleep. Down to his underwear Envy lifted up his covers and slipped into his nice cozy bed. Envy was tired from exhaustion a lot but this was different he felt calm, content, and relaxed, things he hadn't felt too often since Hohenhein left. Now he was free from all of it, if only for tonight, but Envy knew at least for now tonight would be enough....


	2. A General Drama of Pain

A few months had passed since Envy's time in the woods, he could feel his rage returning but this time it was different, it seemed more manageable this time. As the weeks turned into days towards his mother's due date he had to take on the some of the household responsibilities because his mother had to take to the bed or else she would risk harm to the baby. Despite everything he had to do, school, work, and home care he somehow managed, but he was tired so very, very tired. Envy was glad that him being exhausted was good for something, if he was tired he wouldn't have enough energy to hate, but yet he still found a way. 

Envy still went out into the woods every Friday night to cut up that same tree, cutting his way deeper and deeper into it. Every month Envy could see a new ring, and every two weeks he'd have to replace his knife, an added but necessary expense. While raging against this tree did help Envy's control his rage, but it was nothing compared to what he did that one night, God it felt good to make that man cry and beg for his life. But however Envy would have to manage without, just the cutting, and the scrapes, and the crying would have to be enough...

Envy returned home at his usual time but something felt off.... he didn't think he should enter through his window, and enter via the front door instead despite knowing he shouldn't. He walked into his house and tried to close the door behind him but before he could he heard painful screams coming from the direction of his mother's room. When Envy found his mother she was crouched trying to walk to her bedroom door.

"Envy, where have you been?" His mother asked as she tried to walk to her son.

"I'm sorry mother, I've been out..." Envy replied as he went over to hold up his mother.

"It's okay Envy, just go get me a towel..."

"Yes, mother..."

Envy helped his mother over to the bed, then ran into the bathroom. He grabbed a towel from under the sink before turning on the cold water and letting it soak into the towel. Envy wringed it out, then rushing back to his mother. He came back to find his mother laying down on the bed and rubbing her belly in a comforting fashion, all the while experiencing cramps. Envy bent down and wiped off his mother's brow before place the still cold towel.

"Mother, will you be okay while I go get the doctor?"

"Yes, but you must hurry back...." 

"I will, mother..."

Envy quickly rushed out of his mother's bedroom and the house, the doctor didn't live that far out of the way but Envy also had to account for the time to run the doctor back. Envy could run fast, speed wasn't a problem he was relativity fit man but he never had as much stamina as he thought he should, it was like no matter how fit he was he always seemed a bit heavier than he should have been. Envy soon arrived at the doctor's house he was lucky enough to find the lights still on, which was surprising given the late hour. Envy knocked on the door with steady pace and a sense of urgency, after while he knew he should have stopped knocking but simply couldn't given the nature of the situation.

The door was answered quickly the man who answered it was a significantly older he wasn't senior yet but he was well past middle age.

"Hello Envy, I trust it's your mother's time..." He said with a plain look on his face.

"Yes, doctor."

"I figured that, it was either that or those cuts and scraps you got on you." The doctor said jokingly as he went inside to grab his medical bag. "But since I don't specialize in boo-boos I figured the former was a good enough guess."

After a minute of Envy pacing on the front porch the doctor came back out with equipment in hand then making a witty remark about how Envy was going to wear through the wood if he didn't stop doing that. The doctor gestured Envy to follow him and he did the two of them heading into his backyard following a fresh dirt path worn out at two ends with a grass strip in the middle. When he finally realized what made the path Envy halted with wonder at the sight of a car in the doctor's backyard despite the severity of the present situation. It wasn't like Envy hadn't ever seen a car before or rode in one, it's just that cars were a rare sight here in Yeoz.

"Ah, I see your admiring my beauty here, yeah my son got it for me, him being a big, fancy doctor in Central can afford something like this......... The doctor stated as Envy got up to the car, tuning him out lest he die from boredom. ".....Well anyway that's how my son guilted me into keeping her, but anyway enough of my life I have a baby to deliver....."

Envy and the doctor got into the car, when the older man started up the engine Envy got a little jolt. He hadn't been in an automobile since he was six years old when he and his family took a trip up to North City, he remembered that trip wasn't very fun but he remembered how he loved playing in the snow. The two took off, pulling out of the driveway and got onto the road. Envy couldn't believe how fast he was going, he was used to getting around on his feet or maybe the occasional wagon, but even the twenty miles per hour he was traveling at right now would take time to getting use to. It had seemed like they had just left when they had arrived back at Envy's house while getting out of the car seemed easy enough for the doctor Envy was a bit dizzy and had slight nausea.

"Oh, don't worry about that I had the same feeling when I first drove her, while driving.." The doctor told Envy while heading towards the house. "Just keep moving and you'll be just fine momentarily."

Per the doctor's instructions walking with him into the house soon finding his aliments washing off of him replaced by his mother's labored screams. The doctor moved faster while Envy followed behind him at a similar pace.

"Now boy, get me some clean towels and boil up some water," The doctor commanded as he moved forward unwavering. "Oh and see if you can put some aside for tea, I have a feeling this will be a long night..."

The doctor entered his mother's bedroom closing the door behind him not all the way. Envy starred in through the crack, trying to keep a concerning eye on things in the room, but he knew couldn't keep on looking in forever he had other responsibilities he had to attend to, like he always had....

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Hours had passed, the sun had risen and morning had illuminated through the house with a perfect warmness following it almost as it was there to comfort the new life that was coming into the world. When not completing a task for the doctor Envy paced up and down the hallway outside his mother's bedroom waiting for news, any news at all. Envy stopped when he heard an end to the labored breathing and started hearing a faint whining. Throwing caution to any rules Envy ran into the bedroom, almost crossing into a new world as he did. Now in the bedroom Envy found his new baby sibling wrapped up in a blanket in the arms of the doctor, while his mother passed out from the long and exhausting night.

"Ah good Envy I was just about to call you in, now would you like to hold your baby brother?" The doctor asked with a prideful and caring smile on his face.

With a bit of reluctance in his voice Envy answered. "Of course....."

The doctor handed the newborn over to his brother, and proceeded to clean up a bit. During this Envy held this brother with much disdain, while he did not hate this thing in this arms he despised it greatly for what it would mean, another responsibility, another reminder for the source of his hate. While he did the things an older brother should do for his new one, this was merely a show for his audience and he did these things without much emotion. Once the doctor had gotten things sufficiently cleaned up he went over to talk to Envy.

"Son, can we talk for a moment?"

"Yes, but what about....."

"He'll be okay for the time being, just put him in his crib and I'll make us a pot of tea..."

The doctor left the bedroom, heading for the kitchen while Envy put his brother in his crib in the spare bedroom before heading into the living room to sit down. Once the doctor got the pot on the stove he proceeded to go sit down next to Envy.

"What's the matter doctor, did something happen during labor?" Envy asked with genuine concern on his face.

"Umm, yes as a matter of fact... during labor a complication happened revolving around a pre-existing medical condition of hers, in fact if I had known about it I would have pushed for her not to give birth......" 

"What is it? Please tell me?!"

"She contracted an infection during child birth, while that would not so problematic on it's own your mother, she was not in the best of health before then...."

"JUST TELL ME!?!?!?"

"She is dying, I've done as much as I could with the antibiotics I have on hand, but not much can help her now from what I can tell she won't live past sunset...."

Silence filled the room as Envy cupped his face with his hands, sorrow filled every corner of his heart as he tried everything he had not to cry. The only thing that broke the quiet was the sound of the teapot whistling, and the steps of the doctor going to take it off the heat. The doctor came back soon enough to comfort the young Envy.

"Your mother is sleeping right now, but I can wake her up now if you would like to talk to her..." 

"You said she had the rest of the day.... no, not now let her sleep for the time being....."

"As you wish, but we must eventually talk about your brother, I can only speculate now but I must tell you what to look out for if he does have what I think he has......"

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The hours let in this day passed slower than any other day as Envy said goodbye to his mother letting her rest every now and then to converse her strength. They didn't say much all throughout, only saying how sorry she was and telling Envy the name of the newborn: Jacob. Eventually the day could longer be and with it Dante faded into the twilight with her son at her side. Envy cried on her arm for an unknown amount of time before getting up with tears still flooding out of his eyes and leaving the room to tell the doctor the news. Envy met with the doctor in the living room before he tried to say anything the doctor said it for him.

"I'm terribly sorry son, I wish I could have done more to save her..." The doctor said as he gave his condolences to Envy.

"No, you did all you could, I just don't know why mother didn't tell you about her condition...." Envy wondered as he wiped his tears away."

"Same here, to be perfectly honest I have no idea how she was able to function for this long, it was very extensive...."

"......"

"But enough of my medical talk, I'll call up a few neighbors to carry away your mother, you go tend with to your brother I imagine you could both use each other right now....."

"Yes, I think so too...."

Watching the doctor leave the house, Envy headed towards his brother's nursery but not before bashing his fists against the wall.

"DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN IT ALL!!!!!!!" Envy screamed as he sled to the floor.

Envy was a mess of emotions, he hatred for Hohenheim, his sorrow for the loss of his mother, and the complete disgust for the creature that killed her. Envy rose from the ground renewed by his rage, he continued towards his brother's room, opening the door and then coming face to face with it. Envy looked down at the newborn, he was sleeping contently as if nothing had happened while Envy hadn't felt anything truly close to it for a long, long time.

"You vile creature laying there, why are you so happy, why should you feel this happy?!" Envy muttered as his brother slowly opened his eyes and looked innocently up at his older brother.

"How dare you look at me like that, you insignificant insect while I have given you nothing but my hate!"

Despite Envy's tantrum the young Jacob continued on existing as if nothing was happening.

"WHY, WHY, WHY!!!!!!" Envy fell to the floor with more tears in his eyes holding to the bars of the crib as he did so.

Unable to contend any longer, or out of some sympathy to his brother Jacob began crying too. The crying coming from his brother shook something loose in Envy and suddenly any negative emotion he felt for him turned into concern and caring. Envy stood up and picked up his brother in his arms and then started to slowly rock him.

"Shhhhhhh, it's okay, it's okay....." Envy continually hummed to his brother. "I'm sorry for everything I promise from now on I will give you all the love I can give you and never hate you again....."

Despite his words Jacob continued crying.

"Please forgive me......"

As Envy's tears rolled down his cheek, while what happened next either it was on purpose or just pure lucky his brother's cries began to quiet and his little hand gripped one of Envy's fingers.

"Thank you, baby brother......."

Soon enough Jacob had calmed down and was slowly fell back into sleep in his brother's arms. Envy knew in this moment that no matter what came next, that this little baby, his brother help him become whole again and turn his hatred into love....


End file.
